Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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