we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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