i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize