Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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