Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
