He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
