She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
