I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
