Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
