tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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