How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
