Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
