you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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