so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
