She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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