I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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