feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
