dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
