I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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