no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
MIDGETS
????
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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