she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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