oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I forget how to act sober
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
