Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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