If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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