I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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