there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
