I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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