if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize