i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
