Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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