he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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