I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
