the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh god it's open bar.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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