I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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