sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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