I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
