my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
