I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All the doctor said was why
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
