can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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