Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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