Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
