problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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