Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
