I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
