just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
