I can text with my tongue
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
