This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
