i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
