and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
