Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
