NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
