Barsexuality is the new black.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
