If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
