I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
