Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
