I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
