she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
