Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize