I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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