I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
