I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
