Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
