Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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