today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
