I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
