dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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