hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
