Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
