Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
