I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize