everyone is single if you try hard enough
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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