no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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