the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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