just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
