Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
