he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you traded sex for a burrito?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
