i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
