I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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