and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
