hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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